By way of an explanation let it first be known that I am one of the few, one of the proud -- a Canadian.

Having lived in the United States for a few years I noticed that not only do our neighbors to the south know very little about Canadian culture, but also that they really don't care.

Which makes tremendous sense when you realise that the population of Canada is roughly 30 Million, while the population of the United States is roughly 300 Million. As far as North America goes (even if we don't include Mexico -- which we do ... hola!) ... less that 1 in 10 people is Canadian.

There are more people in the state of California then there are in all of Canada (how powerful does Governor Schwarzenegger seem now?).

Such a difference in perception works both ways. Canadians often wonder how the U.S. can get by without public health care (not realising that it has ten times the number of people), or why the laws in each of the states is so tremendously different (it amazes me to think that Vermont and California are actually part of the same country).

Trudeau once said that being next to the United States was like being in bed with an elephant. When it rolls over -- you know it.

While at a glance our countries seem much the same, there are more subtle ways in which they are different. Ways that might go unnoticed to the casual tourist, but to those who would explore more carefully, will seem strange, and it is those slight differences which I have chosen to deal with here. After reading this article you will be more aware of some of the things which set Canada apart, and more able to deal with them should you ever have to survive here.

It should also be noted that while I've travelled around a bit, I currently live in a small town in Northeastern Ontario, and so many of the things I will cover are specific to this part of Canada. Those from the Maritimes, the Prairies, the far North, and Western Canada are asked to bear with me if I leave anything out (and to let me know so I can add it in!).

MILK IN BAGS.

That's right -- milk comes in bags.

I've tried to explain this to my American friends on many occasions and some of them really don't get it. It is a little weird, but I think it makes sense when you see it.

Also pictured here is a "bag jug", which you need in order to effectively use bagged milk. You could always pour the milk into a pitcher but with one of these you simply slide the bag into the jug, shake it or hit it on a counter to ensure that it's settled in, and then cut off the corner furthest from the handle.

These bags always seem rather small to me, and I have (for home use) recently longed for that illusive milk-bag creature known as the dispenser pack, which holds 20L. That way I'd only need to change the bag maybe once a week or so, rather than three times a day.

HOMO MILK

Many Americans are surprised when they go into a grocery store and see packages which proclaim the contents as being "Homo Milk", and have strange fantasies about how it is acquired ("...this is kinda salty for milk...")

It is Homogenised milk. Also known as "Whole Milk" or 3.25%. You may occasionally find milk in Canada labelled "Whole Milk", it generally has not been homogenised, and will separate if left standing for too long.

THE BLUE BOX.

I know some places in the U.S. have these, but I lived in one that didn't and I wanted to be sure that people who were untrained with the concept got a good look.

Paper and plastic items go into this box (depending on the area, styrofoam and other materials may be acceptable). The box is collected and the items are recycled.

In some areas there are also green boxes specifically for paper products.

Aluminum is of particular value, and many cities make good use of the revenue collected from recycling pop cans.

BACK BACON

This is what real back bacon looks like.

While I was in the U.S. I was exposed to the atrocity known as "Canadian Bacon" , which is generally made in the United States, and as far as I can tell never eaten in Canada.

Yes, I know that "French Toast" and "Belgian Waffles" are similar in use, but they are rather tasty whereas "Canadian Bacon" is a processed ham-product resembling luncheon meat and thoroughly vile in comparison to true Back-Bacon.

Back bacon is also referred to as "peameal bacon", and while some of it is coated with actual peameal, it it generally rolled in cornmeal.

It is often sliced thinly and fried up, but can be used in a number of recipes as well.

SNOW

Okay... those in the Northern U.S., Sweden, Greenland, Iceland, Russia, and other northern climes are familiar with this, but I can tell you for a fact -- Pittsburgh ain't.

If they have close to a foot of snow, it's a huge storm and they shut down the city.

Around here, there's often that much still on the streets after it's been plowed.

I know that many of the States just don't have the means to cope with snow, but c'mon people ... drive more carefully, don't accelerate too quickly and you should be fine.

I have never seen enough snow in Pittsburgh that you can't easily drive a car anywhere in the city (not that it's easy to get around the city on a good day, but that's another story...)

There are places in Canada where snow removal is a multi-stage process, from the actual plowing of the snow, to the use of Front-End Loaders to push back the snow and keep the streets wide enough that they don't disappear from "creeping" snow banks.

MAPLE SYRUP

This is not "Pancake Syrup".

I'm betting that anyone from Vermont is with me on this one ...

Please, for the love of all things tasty, don't confuse them, and don't (As I have seen some people do) put "Maple Syrup" on a restaurant menu if you don't have it.

Real maple syrup comes from a tree (sort of like you're an arboreal vampire), not from a cornfield.

If you haven't had real maple syrup -- try it. You're missing out.

THE CANADIAN SHIELD

As you travel north you may discover a lot of rocks. Those were left behind by a glacier and are known as "The Canadian Shield". Not, strictly speaking, something you need to know, but you may hear it mentioned, and if you do -- that's it.

FRENCH

In Canada, we are supposed to speak two languages. English and French.

Really - we do! I hear it almost every day. Today I received a flier for a furniture and appliance store written entirely in French, in my mailbox. (but then I live about 30KM from the Quebec border. You probably wouldn't run into it a lot in say, Calgary).

Quebequois (kuh-BEH-kwah), is not the kind of French they speak in France, it's a more antiquated version in many ways in that it has resisted much of the English which has crept into France. While English has adopted many French words, the Quebequois have tried to preserve much of the original vocabulary -- c'est la vie.

Much of the slang in French Canada is English. Just not the same English that is adopted in France, confused yet?

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SIDE NOTE: the word "cliché" is a noun, and refers to a specific object in much the same way that "Dork" might. You can say, "he is such a dork", but you would never say "he is so dork".

Likewise something can be *A* cliché, and you could say "that is such a cliché", but you could never say, "that is so cliché" -- that's wrong.

"Passé" and "cliché" are not interchangeable.

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OGOPOGO

NOTE: This is not a real picture of Ogopogo. Rather it is my rendition of what he might look like on say, his way to work, or perhaps some kind of biusiness luncheon.

Not, strictly speaking, a "national" Canadian thing, but I like the name.

This is sort of our version of the Loch Ness Monster, and it supposedly lives in lake Okanagan.

THE GREAT LAKES

(picture courtesy of www.great-lakes.net)

We share these with the United States (except lake Michigan, which we are letting them hold on to for a while).

These are big lakes, and when you are in the centre of them you sometimes can't see shore in any direction.

I mention this because I once visited the a lake in Europe that was supposed to be really big for a freshwater lake, and unlike some of the people there I was less than impressed as you were able to not only see the other side of the lake, but also the entire lake itself.

The lake to which I refer is not Lake Ladoga, which I gather is pretty impressive.

HUGO GIRARD

Okay, so maybe many Canadians wouldn't recognise him either, but he's the strongest man in Canada, perhaps even the strongest man in the world, and this is something of which all Canadians should be aware.

Think you're stronger? You're welcome to try and beat him in strongman competition, but best of luck, especially if any overhead pressing is involved.

METRIC

Canada (like most of the world) uses the metric system.

It was originally created in France but many countries avoided using it as it was associated with the French revolution, and it was believed that using it would lead to revolution. The United States still hasn't gone over to metric, and I don't blame them. They've already had a revolution and it's only recently (globally speaking) that things have finally gotten down to subjugation as usual.

One of the most mind-boggling things I have ever heard was when a friend of mine from the U.S. said that metric is confusing and "difficult to learn". When I referred to their system as the "imperial" system they were shocked. "It doesn't have a name," they explained," it's just the way you measure stuff".

Difficult to learn?

...Maybe if you have twenty four toes.

The inch is defined as "one twelfth of a foot," and a foot is defined as "twelve inches, or one third of a yard." A yard is defined as "36 inches, or 3 feet," Really I can't find an exact definition, so I'm guessing that people have just been copying each other for quite some time.

A meter is defined as "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/299,792,458 of a second ."

Makes a lot more sense, doesn't it?

Fahrenheit is and Celsius make for a better comparison -- 0F is the temperature of salt water and ice, 32F is the temperature of fresh water and ice, whereas 0C is the freezing point of water, and 100C is the boiling point of water (at standard atmospheric pressure).

NOTE: The American pint is smaller than the British one, so beware of the pubs there.

I myself don't always use metric, and I'm sure there are many other Canadians who are the same way, but don't knock someone who uses the metric system until you have walked a kilometer in his shoes.

SMARTIES

The Brits are going to be familiar with these, but in the U.S. a "smartie" is a roll of solid candies that we would probably call "rockets" and is pretty much just solid dextrose.

Our Smarties are similar to M&Ms but they do melt in your hand. Occasionally used by kids to dye their lips strange colours. There have recently been some novelty flavours of Smarties (orange, ice cream) which are also excellent.

ICE HOCKEY

Canadians (on average) like hockey, and most of the best American hockey players are Canadian.

There is a famous winter Olympic gold medal match between Canada and the Soviet Union, and I often wonder what might have happened here had Canada not won. It could be like the victory in Vietnam was in "Watchmen", and if we lost our country would have gone a little crazy...

I don't really follow the sport, but I still have some hockey cards kicking around somewhere. I have Wayne Gretzky's rookie card (and enjoyed the gum with which it came), a Gump Worsley card, and a card for a player called Tim Horton, who apparently owned a Doughnut shop...

TIM HORTONS (or "TIMMIES")

Doughnut shops are quite common in Canada, something which may seem unusual to my European readers. This particular chain of doughnut shops were started by a somewhat famous hockey player.

Generally one goes into a doughnut shop and has a cup of coffee and a doughnut. Teenagers will often spend hours on end hanging out in doughut shops (or at least they used to), as it's generally somewhere warm where you can smoke, and you don't have to spend a lot of money.

Doughnut holes are called "Timbits" there, and you will often hear that name used to describe doughnut holes regardless of the actual store's name for them.

KNAPSACK

(nap-sak)

Americans call them "Backpacks" we often call them "Knapsacks". They're the same thing.

CANADIAN TIRE MONEY

Somewhere in nearly every Canadian home there is a jar, or a drawer, or a box, filled with Canadian Tire Money.

Contrary to what you may have heard Canadian Tire Money has nothing to do with offsetting the sales tax. You can learn all about the history of Canadian tire money here.

If you want to befriend a Canadian, you may wish to acquire a good quantity of Canadian Tire Money, and give it to him (The more remote the location of this gift, the better). If you run into a Canadian in Europe and greet him with a hearty, here-- have my Canadian Tire money, I will probably never use it -- you may have made a friend for life.

THE POLKAROO

I don't know whether or not this is something with which people outside of Ontario will be familiar as it's a children's show that TVO makes (just as I wouldn't be all that familiar with maybe, Papi Bonheure, or something).

The Polkaroo is known best for being elusive to the male host of "The Polka Dot Door". He would always go out for something, and while he was out, the Polkaroo would visit, and sometimes get up to some mischief. When he returned, the female host would explain that the Polkaroo did it, and the man would usually say something to the effect of:

"The Polkaroo was here, and I missed him again?"

Ah yes ... that guy would always miss the Polkaroo...

I have been known to use this saying, particularly when I'm playing phone tag, but I discovered that no one in the states (Save someone from Detroit) knew to what I was referring.

MR. DRESSUP

There was once this guy called Ernie Coombs, who went down to Pittsburgh to be a puppeteer on "Mister Roger's Neighborhood". Eventually he returned to Canada, and started his own kids show called "Mr. Dressup", which featured him, a puppet of a little boy called "Casey", and a dog puppet called "Finnegan". He had a tickle trunk too.

Arguably the most popular Canadian children's show ever.

SCTV

http://sctv.org/

"Second City Television" was the work of a group of comedians from Toronto's "Second City" (yes, just like the one in Chicago). Many of these people went on to be reasonably well known in the U.S.

One of the sketches in which Joe Flaherty plays "Count Floyd" (pictured above) and presents "Monster Horror Chiller Theatre", has been mercilessly ripped off by myself for my radio show.

If you ever get a chance to see any SCTV, it really is worth taking the time to do so.

THE BEACHCOMBERS

Since we're on the topic of Canadian television here (kinda), I must mention "The Beachcombers". Sooner or later you're going to hear someone mention this show, as it was a national pasttime for a while (the longest running TV drama in Canadian history at 20 years). It was created by a Strange couple, and dealt with the exploits of a group of people in a small town on the coast of British Columbia. Ah that Relic ... he was always up to no good.

Apparently they tried (or are trying) to bring the show back as sort of a "next generation" deal -- best of luck .

BTW: Most of my tattoos were done at a place called "Beachcombers", but it is not related to the T.V. show.

THE CBC

... That stands for the "Canadian Broadcasting Corporation", and it's paid for with our tax money (and revenue from ad sales). It's sort of like a PBS for which pledge drives are mandatory, and instead of getting some kind of mug, or towel for your pledge money the government agrees not to put you in jail for tax evasion this year.

CANCON

...or "Canadian content" is mandatory. A certain amount of broadcast television and radio (10%) must be made in, or by, or both (I'm not entirely sure) Canadians (not made inside of Canadians ... made in Canada).

Cancon has brought us such television classics as "Hinterland Who's Who" and "Kids in the Hall".

This website counts as Cancon.

Canadians, contrary to what many people seem to think in the U.S. do not celebrate the 4th of July, nor do we celebrate Martin Luther King day, Columbus day, President's day, or other U.S. holidays...

CANADA DAY

Held on July first, it's Canada's birthday.

THANKSGIVING

No B.S. story about how our starving hapless religious zealot forefathers lives were saved by a people they later subjugated and all but annihilated. For many it is a day to give thanks, but we acknowledge the European harvest festival which is the true origin of this holiday.

We celebrate it on the second Monday of October.

VICTORIA DAY

This is the annual celebration of Queen Victoria's birthday and is also known as 2-4 ("two-four"), or "May 2-4" as the birthday falls on May 24th, and "2-4" is the nickname we have given a 24 pack of beer.

NOTE: This is not to be confused with a "Two-Fer" when you get "two fer one".

The holiday itself is celebrated on the Monday before Memorial Day, and we have fireworks for it.

As far as actual festivities go it's about the closest thing Canadians have to the American 4th of July, but all we're really celebrating is the first long weekend since the weather got warm.

BOXING DAY

Again something with which the Brits will be familiar...

The day after Christmas in Canada is known as "Boxing Day". There are many theories as to why this might be the case. Some say that it is the day when people would give gift boxes to the local mail carriers and such. Others claim that it is the day when people would box up their leftovers from Christmas dinner to give to the needy.

...Now it's the day when there are a lot of sales and the malls are overrun by crazed shoppers.

PIRATE DAY

On March 17th Canadians dress up as Pirates to celebrate Pirate Day. While in many other countries they strangely celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Not everyone is Irish -- but anyone can be a Pirate! ... and that is why Canadians have hijacked this holiday and turned it into a national holiday of indulgence which celebrates lawlessness on the high seas through a tradition of a 'day of grace' where no parking meters, speed limits, or dress codes are enforced.

Well, not really, but wouldn't it be great?

... If you agree with me that there should be a holiday where everyone gets to dress up like Pirates, tell everyone you know, and join me this March 17th by celebrating Pirates!