Tuesday November 16 / 2004

Llama, The Universe, and Everything.

The above picture is part of a Llama Photography Lesson. Learn the many ways that llamas will screw with you as you try to get good pictures of them.

"Look out, there are llamas!"

As if the damned badgers weren't enough now there's the stupid breadfish. By Crom's beard that is stupid. Speaking of annoying flash animations, I've had Steve Ibsen's Kitty Cat Dance stuck in my head for days now (actually I don't find this one to be all that annoying, just annoyingly catchy).

I don't know how to describe this next one. Bill M. sent it to me and it's rather interesting it's about Google (the search engine) and math.

Günther!

There's this guy called Howard Hollis who has drawn a Picture of Everything. It's really well done. There's a lot of stuff in there. I'm pretty sure he really did get everything into it, and if he hasn't -- he will.

That's it for this month. It's starting to seem like the more original content I put up, the less links I have. If that is indeed the case then expect a lot fewer links in the future because there are heaps of content I have yet to put up (if I can ever find the time to get them into the right formats).

I don't know if you've seen the movie "Orgazmo," but if you have you will have seen one of my favourite in-jokes. You will oft hear me say "I am SANCHO," or "he is SANCHO" when trying to justify some form of irrational behaviour. Well it's a reference to the following scene:

sancho.mp4 (735K)

Orgazmo is a brilliant movie, and I highly recommend that you see it. Better yet -- buy it and then see it whenever you want.

There aren't many times you come across stongman-related humour, but as the following clip from "Velvet Soup" shows it is ripe for the satirizing:

strongmanlove.mp4 (3.4M)

I've been saving that one for the right day... It's one of the worst Halloween Costumes of all time. Some of you may remember a time when plastic bags and masks were considered costumes. The resulting asphyxiation and flaming plastic death put an end to that.

"Twelve more days to halloween ... Silver Shamrock!"

(Some of you may now have "london bridge is falling down" stuck in your head)

Occasionally I come across a link that's so horrible, and so fascinating that I'm hesitant to share it. A link that could eat up a *lot* of your precious time. A link that could have disastrous results if it were to get into the wrong hands. A link that makes me consider putting some kind of "Not suitable for children" warning on this site...

The dictionary of all profanity, known as "the Profanisaurus" is one such link. Use it with discretion.

Someone has done a thorough analysis of why the Death Star trash compactor is implausible, and darned if it isn't a ripping good read.

While looking through Hyperjeff's OSX section (one of the best places to find OSX software on the web), I came across a somewhat useful piece of software for tracking all the cretins in your life. Now you really can have that proverbial "little list," or as it will later come to be known "exhibit a"

Also in the realm of strange programs here's a handy page that will analyse your writing style and tell you what sex you are. Even if it just guessed it would have a 1 in 3 chance of being right ... maybe even better.

If you're a real estate agent you should check your pictures carefully before you put them on the web. The originals were pulled but some generous soul got them. It seems too funny to be true, and probably is.

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You may or may not have seen the classic film "Hercules in New York" which stars a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you haven't -- I really recommend it, especially if you can find the version with the original dialogue. Most of the time it's possible to understand what is being said but in one scene Arnold's accent is so thick that it's almost impossible to figure out. (200K Quicktime Movie)

For quite some time I struggled with it and I think I've figured it out ... Click here for solution

ADDENDUM: I now have a copy of this cinematic gem on DVD, and the subtitles reveal what he is really saying. I've updated the solution to reflect that. FYI -- it's a great DVD, and has both the original and the overdubbed dialogue, I highly recommend it.

Another couple of movies I made from an old video tape of stuff that some friends of mine did in High School. To briefly explain, we had access to an Amiga with a video toaster and a copy of "Disney Animation Studio" on it. As some of my friends were (and are still) incredibly talented artists, we used to screw around with animations in our spare time (and sometimes during time that was not meant to be so spare). The result were a bunch of short animations.

Presented here are two animations (presented as .mp4) done by Jeramy Cooke. He would be the first to point out that he was just messing around, and that they really aren't meant for public consumption as they are rather abstract and short, but I decided to have a little fun with them...

The Blob (Do Not Delete)- 3.3M
The title is the file name, and there are a few different versions of this where he tries out different palettes. This one has the original soundtrack with it, which was done live at the same time it was videotaped. I've added in beginning and end music.

The Sparks of Doom- 1.9M
Again Jeramy was just playing around with something simple. It's just a spark, and that's all there really is to it, but it's pretty well done and in keeping with the original spirit of the video tape I've decided to make a mountain out of a molehill with this one. Again, I added in some music, and in this one I enhanced the sound a little bit.

Yes, I am "the Socknockers," it just struck me as being a really funny band name.

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Costume Watch 2004:

In the past my pick for "Best Halloween Costumes of the year" have included:

• Zombie Mother Theresa

• Zombie Princess Diana

• West Nile Mosquito

• World Trade Center (You need at least two people for this, one dressed as a tower and another as a plane. It works even better if you have kids, you can dress them up as the planes and if you have a baby you can carry it around in a papoose)

There are only a few simple guidelines to coming up with a memorable costume...

1. Anything can be zombied: Choose a celebrity that's died this year and go dressed as them. This is best done when it is someone that seems to have become even more famous as a result of their death. You do run the risk of getting thrashed within an inch of your life by fans of the late celebrity, so try to choose someone who was a hero to the weak (or the strong who can't run as fast as you).

2. Find the Popular Fear:. There is always a popular and somewhat silly fear "West Nile Mosquito" is an example.

3. Identify Something that Should Be Though of as Scary But Generally Isn't: Like Broadway Musicals, or Oprah Winfrey.

4. Keep it Simple: While it may be fun to go as "Disco Music", not everyone will realise that you are going as a metaphor for the death of a musical genre. If it is the Kind of Costume that you're going to have to explain it had better be pretty clever and the sort of thing that is going to impress the opposite sex.

Going by the rules, this year's scariest costumes are going to be:

• Mount St. Helens
  (Scary enough for those who live near it, what if it showed up at your door demanding candy?)

• Reanimated Pope John Paul II
  (He's been kept alive through unnatural means for so long that he may as well have died long ago, now while not quite a zombie so much of him has died that he is now a reanimated corpse ... one with a great deal of power who answers to no-one!)

• Zombie Lambchop
  (It's been a while since Shari Lewis died, but whatever happened to Lambchop? ...She's back and has a taste for HUMAN BRAINS!)

Above is the Rabbit Rotor, courtesy of J-List, which has all manner of Japanese items including the infamous hello kitty shoulder massager, pink nipple cream, Mr. Pink, , electric erasers, and minty eye drops. Yes -- the Rabbit Rotor is exactly what you think it is.

I was watching TV last night and at one point a commercial for one of those "feed the starving children" groups came on and gave some astounding statistics. Let's look at one such claim I found on the net, made by the "30 Hour Famine" :

"Every day 35,000 children die of hunger-related causes." That works out to 245,000 children a week, or 12,775,000 a year (except for leap years).

So they are claiming a death toll of over 12 million children a year? According to the United Nations there were 78 million births in 2003. Which means that if this is true, roughly 16% of those kids won't survive. If we were Octopi this would be awesome -- Usually around 99.8% of their offspring don't reach maturity.

If you want some fun global statistics you can play around with, a good place to start is with the United Nations Statistics Division.

I can't figure this guy out, he does some kind of Judo thing, I think. It baffles me, and not in a funny way. In a slightly disturbing "he'll-be-front-page-news-when-he-and-his- friends-drink-poison-cool-aid" kinda way. If you're in the market for the kind of movies he makes, you certainly won't be able to find them anywhere else.

Badger, badger, badger...

For a flash game which is actually pretty fun, give the cruel and amusing Ant City a try.

Is it possible to instill homophobia in otherwise non-homophobic men by exposing them to traumatic experiences involving very scarily gay men? That picture from a homosexual baloon fetish site which sells many exotic balloons (those guys appear to be gay in every sense of the word -- good for them!) is a part of what would appear to be this month's attempt to find out...

This is one of the most horrifying and overtly sexual things I've ever seen. It's a movie of a sexually ambiguous young man who thinks that he's holding a camera out at arm's length (but he isn't). All I could do was wonder what he was doing with his other hand.

Don't bother checking out the rest of the site, he wouldn't know good art if it came up and bit him on the ass. In 8.7M he appears to be stoned, and fascinated by his own image, as he tries to explain something about video compression. Wouldn't it be cool if as he explained how video compression actually works ("Pixels which remain the same from one frame to the next are kept, creating static pockets of image, as I move I 'reset' these pixels and am now in a video frame filled with still images from different times viewed as one coherent image..."), and much like a diver descending he slowly increased the video compression so that the quality got lesser and lesser, forcing the medium itself to the forefront as the subject is compressed into incomprehensibility? But then I'm not taking a degree in "video art" so what do I know?

Sorry if you are the guy in question, or a friend of his, but I am unimpressed by your work to date. No doubt you are one hell of a guy, but as a video artist I think you need to do more reading of Marshall McLuhan and less watching of Jackass.

Here's a funny link that, while I usually try to avoid political links I'm passing along anyways as it makes absolutely no political statements but rather points out some of the personality traits of the much Robert-Culp-Like Donald Rumsfeld in a page demonstrating Donald Rumsfeld's fighting styles.

His Kung-Fu is strong.

I found an article of which I am quite skeptical, but I want so much to believe it's true. Apparently a dying child wrote to the Make-a -Wish Foundation (which grants the wishes of dying children, usually things like sending them to Disneyland, and introducing them to their sports heroes), but this child's wish was to see Barry Bonds punched in the nuts -- hilarity ensued. I genuinely wish that this story is for real, not because I harbour some strange vendetta towards Barry Bonds, but because I have often thought that the Make-A-Wish people must get some of the funniest mail on the planet and if I had a wish for them it would be to see the strangest requests they've gotten, and hear what resulted. They could make a lot of money with such a book, and maybe earn enough money to punch the entire National League in the balls. Dare to dream.

I came across a site where you can learn how to spin a pen in interesting ways. Plenty of fun for those who are tied to a writing instrument all day.

By a strange quirk of, um ... quirkiness... the New York Subway apparently provides free Fahrenheit to Celsius converters as the stops on the East Side IRT relate to increments of 5 degrees Fahrenheit. Strange indeed.

Rock-Paper-Scissors is more than just a stupid little game. It's a stupid international sporting phenomenon! Now you can read the official Rock Paper Scissors strategy guide. I've long known that RPS is a game of strategy and there are some people who I have always been able to dominate at this game using a few simple tricks. Now you can learn to be a fierce ROCK PAPER SCISSORS MONSTER like me.

Take a look and Girl Brand if you want to see some of the coolest guitars ever made. I don't mean like "Jimi Hendrix with a Strat" cool, more like "Strange fantasies brought about by eating bad sushi" cool. He's made a guitar that has a girl wearing a bikini on it, and when you tilt it -- the bikini vanishes! Yes, just like one of those novelty pens. These axes must be seen to be believed.

Also this month, Doctor Jest sent me a page which answers one of the great mysteries: In the event of a zombie infestation, how long until the electricity fails?

Ever want to see cute things face off against the Old Ones? Take a look at the Adventures of Hello Cthulhu (I warn you -- cute seems to win, dammit).

Last month you may have wondered how I got that picture of the Giant Red Nazi. Fear not -- I wasn't actually driving at the time I happen to be the Greatest Automotive Co-Pilot in the World. I'll have yer tolls ready, your french fries and fresh beverages close on hand, and I'll keep you awake and entertained on long journies.

Okay, maybe there are better Co-Pilots out there, but if you need a Jack Kerouac to your Neil Cassady -- I'm your man.

The above image is of a local native of Eerie Pennsylvania, possibly a distant relative of The Lord of Coke and Hot Dogs, in this case he is a large, red man apparently giving the familiar Nazi salute of the giant Seneca.

It almost looks like he has emerged from the lake to feed on cars.

I couldn't actually figure out how to get closer to him. As far as I can tell you'd have to go for a hike as he's by the side of the (toll) highway and there are very large "emergency stopping only" signs. I don't think that taking a picture of the giant red man constitutes an emergency. You can get an idea of just how tall he is by the street lamp which is behind him.

He must be one creepy mofo by night.

Doctor Jest RFS' resident evil genius sent me an article regarding the death of a man called "Sherlock Holmes." My bet is that there was either someone called "Moriarity" involved, or he faked his own murder.

Zombocom

Here's a page of strange things you can do. I think Doctor Jest may have sent me this one a while back, or at least something which is also part of the Evil Genius webring. If you're bored you can amuse yourself for weeks with the stuff on that page.

On a non - scientific note here's a great collection of bar bets.

There are heaps of great science geek stuff to be found on the internet (Really!). There's someone who makes these great 3d glass sculptures of galaxies and such, which really kick ass when lit up... another purveyor carries neutrally buoyant frisbees, and then there's a company which makes different kinds of (silly-like) putty, including heat-sensitive colour changing putty, and magnetic putty.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any nerdier, there's a place which makes Klein bottles, Klein mugs, and Klein hats. In case you don't realise just how geeky that is, a Klein bottle is a container which has no volume as it only has one side. Sew two Mobius strips together to make a tube and you'll have a Klein bottle.

"Okay," you say,"a Klein bottle is a 2 dimensional surface that can only exist in 4 dimensions, so how can these be real Klein bottles, smartass?"

Good question, and here is their explanation:

"A photograph of a stapler is a 2-dimensional immersion of a 3-dimensional stapler. In the same way, our glass Klein Bottles are 3-D immersions of the 4-D Klein Bottle. Our Klein Bottle is a 3-dimensional photograph of a "true" Klein Bottle."

Mobius strips can be heaps of fun. Cut one in two and it becomes a two-sided shape, stranger yet -- if you cut it in 3 (which will take only one cut), it becomes a one sided shape AND a two sided shape.

I also found a site which has all kinds of antiquated novelty items such as jolly jugs, automata, and pseudoscopes. Interesting stuff.

Did you know that Aphex Twin (not the amplifier, the band) hid pictures in their music using Metasynth? You see, Metasynth allows you to use image files as spectral information to create sounds, and when someone used the right spectral imager while listening to the music the image popped back out.

Backwards masking has nothing on that one.

I came across a site run by some true humanitarians who want to encourage American women to "take one for their country" and have sex with people who are going to war in Iraq.

Wow, my segues have gotten more and more lame as time goes by, and speaking of lame -- check out this site for a musical about vampires. Will they actually sell any tickets? Are there people who will automatically shell out money for anything with the word "vampire" in it? Isn't "vampire" sometimes just another way of saying "sucker?"

I should sell vampire soap on a rope... I'd make a fortune... a VAMPIRE fortune.

There is occasionally a site which is conceptually brilliant. Unusual, and fascinating. Such is the Infinite Cat Project, which seeks to collect pictures of cats looking at pictures of cats looking at pictures of cats...(etc.)

Googlefight!

Last but not least I came across the complete text of the classic Miracle Mongers and their Methods by Harry Houdini -- a most interesting read.

It's almost guaranteed that I will come across at least one strange bit of flash in any given month and this French game of repressed homosexuality is nothing if not strange. The premise is simple, kill or be anally raped.

Speaking of minty fresh bowels, why not try a pack of innermints, a product designed to make your whole body smell nice. I can't say I have ever tried them, or endorse the idea of smelling like mint. I'm not a big fan of mint, and if you want to annoy me, selling minty fresh is an excellent start.

On to the opera...

I came across one really crazy site where someone explains how the music of Wagner is inherently anti Semitic. In his own words:

"I will attempt to convey what might be considered very strong anti-semitic and pro-Nazi content in the music of Wagner."

...He even goes so far as to explain why the instrumental passages are filled with Nazi sentiment. I have to say that while it may not be true that the music of Wagner is full of vitamin Nazi, the French Horns were certainly occupied when this German was in control.

Ah, opera jokes.

There's an only slightly strange, but mostly rather good website which hosts The Pirates of Penzance Web Opera -- the entire Gilbert and Sullivan Opera in an online format. You can read the librettos while the music plays, and even sing along if you want! Fun for the whole family. Not since Karaoke Macbeth has there been such an exciting party game.

I found some people with strange hobbies, someone who blogs last meals of condemned prisoners, or the sick and yet strangely amusing hobby of collective pictures of oneself at roadside memorials, as in the site "Let's Mock the Dead" where the spirit of the site is best conveyed in the words of it's creator: "roadside crosses are a way of saying 'a shitty driver was here'"

Another collection which shows much promise, but has yet to yield a great deal of content -- a collection of guttural moans from comics. If sayings like "Aaaaaaaaaa!," "Gnnghh!," and "Nyaaagh!" intrigue you, "The UNH! Project", (as it is called) will be right up your alley.

Ever wanted to find the most complete and useless collection of pick-up lines? Neither have I.

In case you haven't already seen this site, it's "subservientchicken.com" and there's a guy dressed in a chicken suit who will do things. Sounds a lot more interesting than it is. Gives you an excuse to say that you were playing with a ... never mind. Many more links like that and I'll have to change the name of the site to the "Bizarre House Of Stupid Weirdness".

Have you heard of a snack food called "Nut Poppers"? Is it me or did the manufacturer not think out this name well enough?

...That picture is from Stalin vs Hitler, a surprisingly cool Russian comic book I came across. I also found out that Hitler is on "Hot or Not", and is Hotter than Simon.

BTW: Hitler was in Home and Garden Magazine

Hitler is always a strong start (but not a strong finish), but to begin with -- I've found out about "Google Bombs". Apparently part of the Google engine takes linked text and associates it with the text. For example if enough people put "best internet radio station", on their website like that. Google would be more likely to produce that link when people did a search for "best internet radio station". If enough domains put links like these on their sites...

Strange Stuff
Weird Website
Best Website Ever

...then it could skew Google's search to yield this site as the top result.

I realise that in past I've put links to site called "this site" or "here", and it's links like that which do no good to engines like Google, so I'll try to make my links more descriptive so as to assist other people in websearches. I'm just really cool that way.

In the math realm I found a bear that shits prime numbers. I'm not sure why, but it does. If you think that will get you into poop, you may be right, but your travel agent can get you to poop. Poop is actually a place.

It's that time of year again. The weather is getting warm (okay, so it snowed here today, but it's getting warm) and everyone is finally trying to eat right and exercise so that their sorry asses will look good at the beach. Here's an excerpt from an amusing article about what not to eat called "The Worst Breakfast Ever":

Man I wish I'd written that.

If you can't finish the food, there's gonna be leftovers, perhaps wrapped in cling-film, like this guy who fantasises about wrapping Roy Orbison in cling film. The scary thing is that he links to other sites on the same topic. The highlight of his page has to be the fantasy which someone set to music.

Another strange obsession with a celebrity has to be the lady who paints peoples portraits. Only she paints portraits of people with Stevie Nicks.

While many people are aware that you can upload custom java ring tones to some cell-phones, they may not be aware that you can also control the phone's vibrate mode. At least one company sells a little java hack called "Purring Kitty" which will make your cell phone vibrate whenever you want it to. I found another website which teaches you how to make your own sex toys. Where else can you learn how to fuck your couch? Let me assure all potential visitors to my home that I HAVE NEVER TRIED THIS.

Behold our new Robot Overlords!

My made-up-just-for-this-link-technological-achievement-of-the-month-award goes to the people who have hacked those "singing bass" novelty items to be controlled by a computer. That's right ... it's a customizable novelty singing fish!

Rent a Negro -- Brilliant.

Apparently there's a guy who carries a cross around with him so he can preach, or something. He hasn't worn it out yet 'cause it has a wheel on the back. Yup. If only the Romans had've thought of that -- a cross with training wheels. Sounds like some kind of exercise device, in just 7 weeks you too can be as ripped as Jesus!

I came across a grimly amusing article where a soldier tells some stories about what has really been going on in iraq. If this excerpt doesn't entice you then this article is not for you...

"Unfortunately, in a place like Iraq, with a whole lot of extremely deadly shit lying around and virtually no rules and regulations for abovementioned deadly shit, some Cartoonish Buffoonery is inevitable."

Yes, it's a cactus which grows human hair!

One of the most fascinating web sites I have come across in a long time where a series of photographs are used to document one person's hobby -- day tripping in Chernobyl's "dead zone". It's poignant, and repulsive. Fascinating and beautiful. Journey into one of the biggest ghost towns in the world where some things glow in the dark -- literally!

In case you haven't seen it yet, check out the Evil Overlord List, a link I recently rediscovered thanks to the definitive guide to Satanism on the internet.

Strange but true -- apparently whales really do explode.

Speaking of sub-aquatic creatures. Have you ever thought "if only my hot-dog looked like an octopus"? Well now it can courtesy of Octadog, a fantastic invention which makes hot-dogs look like octopi.

There has been a lot of strange weirdness this month for which I cannot possibly come up with a segue, such as this page which demonstrates how unbelievably cute Angora Rabbits are.

Scary cute.

The above picture shows part of a box of Tiger Balm (excellent stuff, by the way) -- am I the only one who can see something wrong with a couple of these little pictures being used on an ANALgesic? I know it warns not to use it on mucus membranes, but mightn't some of these pictures be slightly misleading...?

This month, around Pirate Day, I came across the greatest pirate site that there ever was, and this is it. I am truly awestruck by the genius of this site. It is strange at a level of strangeness which is only ever achieved by incredible genius or mind-boggling madness, and I'M NOT SURE WHICH IT IS.

You'll learn that pirates can run faster than trains, and all kinds of things explode into ice ... even trying to explain this pirate site will make you sound STARK RAVING MAD. It must be read to be believed.

Tackyliving.com has some fun craft projects, my favourite? The miniature abandoned car garden, of course.

If you've been listening to "Dark Dungeons" on Radio Free Satan recently you might get a kick out of this cartoon - Darque Dungeon.

There's now a site called "Blogdex" which shows what the most popular links are among blogs. I believe you can also search blogs there. You won't find this site there, because IT IS NOT A BLOG, dammit. If it turns out that I've been working on a Blog all this time I'll fucking kick my OWN ass.

Ever been suspicious that the old Atari games were really hidden propaganda for the worshippers of Cthulu? This site shows that they really were.

Easter is supposed to be here at some point. It may even be this weekend (wait... doesn't that meant I've missed pancake day?!). I can tell this because Cadbury's Easter Creme Eggs are out (yum). So I think it may have something to do with that holiday, but here's "The Exorcist in 30 Seconds" ... done with cute bunnies.

I must admit to being amused by wiggaz.com where there are images and articles on the strange, pale creatures that are -- Wiggaz!

There isn't a lot of stuff this month, but did I mention "Everything You Ever Needed to Know About Canada (but never really cared much about the answers)."?

I found a whole bunch of really strange Flash this month, but the strangest one still has to be this one -- I have absolutely no idea what it is about, and it may be the strangest thing that I have ever seen.

I won't share all the flash I found at that site. You should take a look at it for yourself there's lots of great stuff there, including the Viking kittens, and the "we like the moon" people. It's an amazingly funny site, with heaps of content to amuse you.

Another thing of which you may already have heard take a look at Xiao Xaio for some of the most brutal stick-man fighting you will ever see. Really.

Dr. Jest sent me these movies (1, 2, 3) which show the Trojan Games (yes the condom manufacturer). I warn you ... you must be over 18, and a resident of the U.K. in order to view them, and so I was legally unable to watch them, but if I were, I imagine I would be somewhat amused.

The good doctor also sent me a link to the East Point Police Self-Arrest Form. This way you can safely and legally arrest yourself without having to trouble the police.

If you don't already have the song "Gay Bar" stuck in your head, or Satan Forbid -- you haven't actually heard the song. Watch this now. You can thank me later.

It's been a while since my last update.

Boy Howdy has it ever. I've just moved to the frozen north, and man does it snow up here. Not girly snow that comes up to your knees (maybe), but serious up-to-your-hips-bury-your-car kinda snow. It's also rather cold.

Block heater cold.

Someone asked me "Is it colder than thirty below zero?" and rather than the usual "Farenheit or Celsius?" question, all I had to do was answer "Yes".

I left a can of cola in the car, went into a store for a while and when I came back out it was frozen solid.

A couple of days ago I went to turn on the windshield wipers and the blades themselves stayed put (the wipers moved ... no wiper blades, just the arms) -- because the wipers were stuck to the window.

So it's a tad chilly here.

I happened to catch some of a hockey game on TV in which Satan was playing. I'd love to be on his team. You could say stuff like "We couldn't have won that game without Satan.

I have no segue for this, but I must confess to being amazed by the "better together" feature at Amazon.com

When you look at a DVD or Video Tape on their site it offers a suggestion of another one which would go well with the first, and offers you a discounted price for the two as a pair. The amazing thing is how often it is dead on. I spent a while trying to outguess it and every time it either offered the movie I named or one that was even more appropriate -- check it out.

If you've ever heard someone who had an atrocious name (my Dad once worked with someone who swore he knew a guy called "Holden Hiscock") then you'll be glad to know that the Institute for Naming Children Humanely is now on the case. By browsing their site you'll also find out why you shouldn't name your daughter Andrea.

Someone is trying to make a list of why the numbers from 0 - 9999 are unique. The list is incomplete, and repetitive (I know that doesn't make sense considering the reason for the list), but it's also rather interesting in parts. Seriously -- it is, and you can see it for yourself here.

Doctor Jest, Zombie expert extrordinaire, sent me this link to the Zombie Infection Simulation ( I happen to be listening to part of the 28 Days Later Soundtrack as I write this ... creepy). It's really a blast to play with.

Apparently there are some monkeys on the internet. I haven't managed to confirm it, but judging by some of the things I've come across -- I believe it. If anyone is going to find them these people will The Search for Intelligent Monkeys on the Internet.

This article clams that it is about the Most Gruesome Toy Ever ... The Aurora Monsterscenes Model Kits. They are pretty much toys which allow kids to act out fantasies of torturing women. The site also has more articles about monster toys including Vincent Price's Shrunken Head Apple Sculpture kit.

Speaking of teaching women how to pee standing up so that they can use men's urinals, you'll find everything you need to know about this black art here (okay ... it's not really a black art. If it is then you should see a doctor).

I haven't actually shopped at this site, so I can't really comment on their customer service, but theyt sell such useless items as camouflage golf balls, and meat scented air fresheners.

Here is another site on a mission, and this time the mission is to find the ugliest dress ever.

I was building a desk for my studio recently and as I looked for some ideas I came across this. It's a desk made out of Lego, and it was made by a professional Lego sculptor. The guy does some amazing work, I'd recommend looking at his portfolio.

Here's a site which discloses the secret homoerotic content of "The Return of the King" (you know, the movie based on the book from "The Lord of the Rings", but which is very much a different story in the theatres because they cut Saruman out of it? .. he'd better be back in the DVD.)

In case you haven't yet seen it, there is a site called jumptheshark.com which discusses that moment in a television series when you know that the show has reached its high point and that it can only get worse from there on in. They call this point "Jumping the Shark" (remember in Happy Days, when the Fonz jumps the shark? If you do then you will grok this term).

While we're on the topic of new phrases -- If you were ever a fan of Wired magazine's "jargon watch" then you are going to love Word Spy. This site tracks the origin of new words and phrases such as "uncanny valley".

It's like old Jack Burton always says ... when the snow is falling, and the temperature is dropping, well that's when you've got to look that storm in the eye and say "please don't bury my entire home".