RECENT LIES:

.	Tuesday October 7/ 2003
Up-North-Date
So I recently went a tad further North than I already am. I went up and visited North Bay (Gateway to the North), and Timmins (Gateway to, um ... Nowhere). Had I gone too much further north in Ontario I would have had to navigate the unmapped logging roads, take a plane, or travel by polar bear. I would be in essence travelling through what has traditionally been referred to by cartographers as "HERE BE DRAGONS". (Sorry Moosonee, I know you're up there -- and I plan to take the Polar Bear Express up to see you some day, but for now I am using dramatic licence). So I have a bunch of pictures and stories from up north, which I'll try to stretch out over the next few months so it seems like there are a lot more of them than there really are. While it's not really all that far north (there are readers in Alaska laughing their asses off at my "far north" excursion, it's really beautiful and crap, just like everyone says. It's boring as all get out, but some of the scenery is really nice. You might find yourself doing stupid things like taking pictures of clouds... hell, I even took a picture of a damn rainbow. In my defense -- it did have one end leading directly into an actual gold mine. ...but that is another story.

.	Friday September 5/ 2003
Ooh, Ohh... Mr. Kotter ... It's an update!
Updates are up (how appropriate). Yeah, it's really just August if you go by MST (Month-O Standard Time™), but I don't want to confuse those who are still going by the old system. At this rate they'll be into December while the rest of us are just starting in on Haloweentober™.

.	Wednesday August 6/ 2003
More Time-Wasting Updates
It seems to get a little later every month (except for this month which is actually a day earlier) (but then again there weren't as many days in July as I would have liked, so it's even earlier yet) (July needs to be longer, or another month put inbetween it and August. We could call it something modern and catchy like Month-O™. Heyyyy... I like that... Let me start again...) _______________________________________________________ Wednesday Month-O™ 6/ 2003 New Month Announced! _______________________________________________________ Today I'm proud to announce the creation of a whole new month. Month-O™ occurs between July and August and contains 27 days (except on leap years when it will contain 281/2. Also it should be noted that Month-O™ contains an additional weekend in the middle of each week to make up for time lost when the clocks shifted forward for Daylight Savings Time, the only exception to this rule is during a Month-O™ which contains a Friday the Thirteenth, in which case the whole week containing said Friday is declared a long week-end and all days are actually Friday, regardless of their written names.) ...so please sychronize your calendars accordingly. To celebrate the creation of this new month there's new Strange Weirdness and a new Editorial. Have a great weekend everybody!

.	Monday July 7/ 2003
Great Balls of Concrete!
Updates today. Last month I mentioned a great round stone. If you would like to know more, or even make one yourself, you can find the full story on my "Making a Do It Yourself Atlas or McGlashen Stone" page. Perhaps I will have more articles on the various strongman implements that I've made, in future updates.

.	Monday June 2 / 2003
Super Happy Joy Update!
The usual suspects have been updated. I've been building a big, round stone. So I'll have an article on the process, and if all goes well some pictures of it as it should be ready next week. I've been lifting stones recently. Fun stuff.

.	Saturday May 5 / 2003
On the Move -- Now with EXTRA LIES!!!
It's been a key-razy week as I've just moved from my mountaintop fortress in the hills of Pennsylvania. I moved house and then set up a maypole and did a bunch of Morris dancing. Boy am I tired. I have returned to Ontario where I'm going to raise an army of biligual lizzard men.

.	Tuesday April 2 / 2003
Now with ENHANCED NIPPLES!
You may have noticed that this page loaded faster than usual. That's because I've finally moved all of the stuff from 2001 over to the archives (and not because I actually optimized this site or anything crazy like that). This month there is the usual "Strange Weirdness" update as well as a new editorial which explains Why Handjobs Are So Important To This Site. It came as a surprise to me too (no pun intended). I accidentally wrote this over "Strange Weirdness on the March", the update for March. Dammit. An update did occur in march, I assure you.

.	Thursday, February 11th / 2003
The King is dead. Long live the King,
If you haven't heard the news. All is not well in the realm of King Velveeda. Stu Helm is now no longer using the name "King Velveeda". Fear not, for his talent was not dependant on a mean name, remember the name of Stuart Helm... for he is still the king. New Strange Weirdness today.

.	Thursday, January 9th / 2003
New Year, New Stuff.
Yesterday was Honey Hellfire's birthday. Happy Birthday Honey! There's some new Strange Weirdness, as usual. I've got a bunch of new editorials just waiting to roll as soon as I can find a few minutes to actually set them to print.