I truly hope that you don't get these editorials confused with real news, because you're making a big mistake if you do.

Journalists do stuff like check their facts, and all sorts of really serious things as outlined in the Society of Professional Journalist's code of ethics. Real journalists have integrity - with these editorials you're lucky if they even have a coherent thread running though the whole thing.

Hell, you'd be lucky if I even spell-checked the damn thing.

Credibility be damned, this site isn't called "Important news that is completely true and could affect YOU in vital ways" - it deals with bizarre weirdness. Most of these are written in under 20 minutes. "smokin' sinister" was written while extremely travel-weary, "Revisionist Entertainment" was written while still half-asleep one morning, and I'm pretty sure I wrote "Selling your soul for a six pack" wearing only my underwear (actually a highly reccomended journalistic method). They are filled with logical fallacies and usually lead to some kind of cataclismic and obnoxious statement. It may start off true enough, discussing a great pastry I ate, but it will inevitably lead to the PASTRY DOMINATION OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!! (I haven't had a pastry in a few months, but that doesn't mean that we aren't still in danger of being overwhelmed by it's flakey, and oh-so-tasty army of evil rasberry minions!)

I have inherited what the Irish politely call "the gift of blarney", and use it shamelessly. Look at the news page - it's called "recent lies" for a reason. I get something into my head and am INSTANTLY an expert... don't you beleive it! When dealing with your own life only YOU are the expert. Point in case... a young Sinister, with great authority, says to his Mother (who grew up in a major fishing port):

"Never tie a rope around a lobster and take it home and cook it. 'Cause it might nip the oven and get the wrong button".

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? What does a 3-year-old city kid know about the potential dangers of lobster!? (mind you, you'd be better off boiling the sucker - so I got that part right). I've been living that one down for 25 years, and you wouldn't believe what I've gone through to actually learn more about lobster.

If you believe only what you read on the internet, then like I said at the beginning of this article; "it's all true - especially the lies". I like to think that the readers of this site are quite intelligent, charming people who everyone admires and who are immune to the effects of even the well-deserved flattery they now find themselves on the recieving end of.

(Ooh! Look at that! No shame... an obvious attempt to sing a sinister siren song of praise. Don't be fooled! Confuscious say:"Humble man and egotist both use middle finger every time he type 'I'".)

There are people who have far more informed opinions on some of this stuff than me, occasionally I link to them, and I would love to see more of some peoples opinions on these topics online (You know who you are! Do it! Do it now! and let me know where to link to!). So take it as it's meant, just one egomaniacal net DJ's screwed up opinions on stuff.

All this humble pie must be making you kinda sick. Beware of the flaky crust... it has dictatorial aspirations!

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