Why Handjobs Are So Important To This Site
Bobco runs an amazing phatforum (or *ahem* ... so I'm told) ... if you came here looking for handjobs -- go there instead.
Perhaps I should rename this site "Gateway to Perversion" because people come across this site through some very strange searches. Even more frightening yet is where the links that are to be found here might take people.
Some Searches People Actually Used to Find This Site:
- Pikachu+Lucifer
- vegetable+porn
- Slavesboys
- ketosis+losing+weight+how+you+know+when+ketosis+kicks+in (note: ketostix -- that's how)
- Pondoland+cannibal+snail
- ymca+circumcision+story
- bizarre+masturbation+devices
- incontinence+pictures
- mass+orgy+pictures
- cognative+dissonance
- booty+shaking (awwwww YEAH!)
- sinister+sex
- lego+bizarre
- strange+genital+pictures
- booty+shaking+how+to (Move your booty to the left. Move your booty to the right... repeat)
- fantastic+satanic+porn
- iam+12+with+no+breasts+is+that+a+problem
- pictures+of+strange+sexual+habits
- Toyota+tries+it+own+band+of+satanism
- lavey+house+picture (More observant readers of this site will notice that I actually DO have a picture of the Black House on one of my pages)
- strange+things+that+can+happen+to+foreskin
- scottish+penis+cock+pictures (Scottish ones are much like any other ... except for the magical vibrating action... but I've already said too much)
- the+polka+dot+door+movies
- how+to+make+things+dissapear
- difibulator
- a+picture+of+a+real+horse's+cock
- marylin+monroe+grate
- penis+card
- Jimmy+Stewar+Harvey+get+together
- Picutre+of+human+cloning
As you can see from this small sampling, people generally come to this site looking for free porn to download. There were so many variations on the given porn searches that, well ... it's amazing, really.
This page isn't for kids, to be sure, but it's not exactly Kubla Kahn's pleasure-dome either. Not once on this site have I mentioned pearl necklaces, or cream pies, in any context other than that of jewelry stores and bakeries. I've never disclosed the 9 Satanic Paths to Physical Pleasure, or the least known (but most important) female erogenous zone.
There are some things that you're just not going to find on this site.
To tell you the truth, there's no way I could host porn. I use up enough bandwidth as it is without providing spank material for you one-handed surfers. Sure, I'd love to serve up tasty pornographic material featuring all manner of strange sexual matters, but unless someone comes along and offers me unlimited bandwidth, you're just going to have to make do with marginally naughty ascii.
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Who knows what kind of traffic I might get if I wrote an article on Michael Jackson, CNN, Iraq, or any other of a number of "Hot Searches" on Google's Zeitgeist. Of course, the poor bastards who come across these pages looking for smut are also hopelessly trapped unless they go to the top, to get into the frames.
Yup. Frames. I like them, they're quick, they're easy, and they screw with search engines. If you'd prefer something snazzier -- you're welcome to try and recode the whole site for me.
The Bottom Line:
I have scary logfiles
...and
...this site owes a whole lot to Handjobs. If it weren't for all the people looking to find free images and movies of "Digital" porn, there would be a whole lot less traffic around here. So the next time you download a video of some sultry vixen buffing the magic dragon, remember that in your own way, you may be helping out this site.
(FYI: The Pondoland Cannibal Snail is an actual kind of snail. It lives in South Africa, and happens to eat other snails. If you are a snail in South Africa -- Beware of the Pondoland Cannibal Snail!)
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ADDENDUM: As a reward for those who look through the archives, here's another lovely ascii lady...
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